We all go through happy days, challenging mornings and nights with misunderstandings, every relationship does. But that shouldn’t keep your relationship apart instead it should keep both of you closer to each other. My boyfriend and I have this habit of waiting until we’re already together before we share anything, from snacks, beverages, movie, the list goes on… This isn’t a mandatory thing that we talked about, it just came out naturally. The thought of waiting each other makes things exciting for both of us. This is one of our versions of a healthy relationship and listed below is our healthy advice for the lovely couples out there. We hope that you stay in love in this life time. Remember what F Scott Fitzgerald said? “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”
Don’t under estimate the power of the words, “Thank you!” Open your eyes and appreciate the little things that your partner does for you, even if he’s just picking you up at work every day or she’s trying to cook a delicious meal for you before you get home. The little things are harder to notice when you always compare your partner to what other people does for their relationship. Enviousness will drag your relationship down. Your relationship has its own wonders that others don’t same goes to many other relationships.
When you are mad at each other or having a very bad conversation, avoid throwing curses. It will only inflict more pain rather than solve the misunderstanding. Sometimes we’re too carried away with debating who’s right or who’s wrong, we forget that what has been said can never be taken back again. No matter how soft the muscles of our tongues are it will always cut like a knife. If you love your partner you don’t shout curses to him/her, instead think of another way on what you guys should do when one or both of you are angry to each other. This should work both ways so give a deeper thought on what will surely work and agreeable for the two of you. Curses or bad words doesn’t really have any importance unless you’re a witch or a wizard, but if neither of you is, well you’ll end up having another language that both of you will never understand, because it doesn’t have any meaning at all.
You might have already said millions of different sorry in your existence, but don’t get tired of using it as a mean to apologize for your mistake, especially to your love one. When you apologize, tell your partner that you will try your best to avoid it so it doesn’t happen again and when it does, he/she can remind you in a nice manner about what you once said. Lower down your pride even if you know that you are proven right in the argument. Here’s where the great first move matters the most (Not the traditional men does the first move idea), approach your partner, hug him/her and say your sincere apology. You don’t actually need to say anything afterwards, just feel the moment. I’m pretty sure neither one of you would want to risk opening a bad conversation on sweet moments like those. The issue will naturally reopen, but now with a lighter atmosphere from both of you. Then you can talk about it. Have you heard of the saying, “Do not go to sleep without clearing things up between you and your lover?” If you haven’t you should start chanting this in your mind when you just finished a fight with your lover. Trust me it works wonders in the relationship.
Promises are Treasures
Don’t make promises to your partner just because you’re happy or you’re very sad on a particular day. Promises are a precious gift that unwraps on its own when the right moment arrives. It is not something that should pressure any of you. Promises are made because it needs more time to accomplish it. These promises are not the once that come in gift boxes on Christmas or on your birthday. Promises happen when it achieves something great and it will choose its own special date in the calendar without you even planning it. Promises are different from goals. It’s more powerful than the things you want to achieve in a much deeper sense. It’s the summary of motivation that you had before you reach it, because promises drag effort along with it. Goals may only hurt you but promises can damage someone when not met.
You’re the one who knows your partner the most above all the people in his/her life. You probably already know your partner’s capabilities, talents, skills and most importantly, weaknesses. They show you their real personality that others don’t have a chance of seeing. You might not notice but when you’re expecting too much from your lover, you’re actually raising the bar for them to reach. If you’re going to do this please be sure that the height on which you leveled your bar is realistically achievable by your partner. Don’t push them beyond their limit because this will stress them out. We all believe that a certain thing we thought is attainable by our partner, but did you ever try to lend a hand for them to attain it or you were just a watcher all the time? Then you get disappointed when your expectations weren’t meant. This is how reasonable I would suggest you to be when it comes to setting those expectations. Think about your partner when you set expectations. Can your partner do it on his/her own or you should participate in achieving it?
This is easier said than done for some people. I’ve heard stories from people who broke up telling me that they want to leave their partner because they seem like a different person from the one they knew. People evolve with time. They change depending on the experiences they accumulated for a certain period of time. Even their favorite food changes when they get addicted to a new one. Don’t expect your partner to instantly know everything without you voicing it out clearly. Talk about the recent things that you found out in yourself. Whatever it is that changed your perception of yourself, share it to your partner. This way you don’t end up being strangers and you don’t have any reason to tell your partner that you don’t know anything about him/her anymore.
When you bought something and broke it, you can replace it by buying the same one. Replacing things is easy, but it doesn’t apply when it comes to replacing time. You don’t visit a store to buy time. You always have time but where exactly are you using it? Don’t go by your day without giving time to your partner. You know what’s amazing about time you don’t need to be physically together to give your time. Similar to gifts, time can come in different sizes and you can make your own occasion. Here are simple things where you can show that you gave a little time to your partner every day. You might already be doing some of these though. Check if they arrive safely to their destination. Ask if they already had lunch. Remind them of things that you believe that they will surely forget to bring with them the next morning. Talk to him/her over the phone after eating dinner when you get home even if you need to do something afterwards. Don’t expect your partner to understand where you are spending your time, let them know because they are also wondering what you are doing when you’re not together. Not that they are jealous, but because they worry and care about you. Little efforts make big impressions.
I’m not saying be wise in spending your money, you already know that by now. Your parents must have lectured you about how to use your money when they caught you splurging on something unnecessary. What I mean here is be wiser than the money. Material things along with you will age, but memories will last a life time and will always be your companion. It’s as if pulling money from your wallet but using your memories. Avoid fighting about money, instead, talk about it ahead of time. If money starts to become one of your endless argument, both of you needs to sit down and talk about it, by talking, I mean without doing the math. Sometimes it’s not about the money, most of the time it’s lack of communication.
Always be willing to adjust and work on your differences so it smoothly blends in your relationship. Accept the pain that comes along the way, if it’s not something that crushes your trust for each other, don’t go packing yourself and leave when things get rough. Try to cool down when things appear terrible. I know this is easier said than done, but letting a boiling situation to simmer down before deciding your next step will help your relationship. You get more time to think and less chances of regretting the action that you had taken when you give time to compose yourself. In being flexible you should also be a keen observer about your partner. Walk in front, behind or beside your partner but never in a far distance so you can see the changes and keep up with him/her in the same pace.
Once in awhile do relationship evaluations together with your partner. Talk about the things that had happened to your relationship and the struggles that you overcame together. Then ask questions that relates to “How are you?” in a more specific way. Here’s where you ask your partner if he/she have any concern that needs your approval or concerns that doesn’t make him/her happy. A heart-to-heart talk shouldn’t disappear from any relationship. Sometimes it’s all your relationship needs to tickle the heart once again. Doing evaluations like this will make your relationship brighter and fresher all the time. You would even encounter moments where you laugh at your silly relationship decisions together.
Reflection of You
Wherever you go, you will always be dragging your partner’s name with you. I don’t literally mean the surname change of the maiden. What I mean is, most of the time what you do with your life reflects to whom you’re in a relationship with. People don’t see you alone they also judge your special someone. When you’re in trouble and you asked help from someone else besides your partner, their first question would go like this, “Does (insert partner’s name) know what happened to you?” Yeah, I know we all get this question a lot. So from now on, be careful on your life decisions and crazy fantasies that play in your head. Because no matter how much you want to avoid it, what you do will always reflect to your partner. It’s as if being in a movie where an innocent girl get’s kidnapped by goons because her boyfriend is a gangster. The girl doesn’t get herself involve in any fight, but because he’s with someone who breaks the law, she automatically becomes part of it.
Your relationship already has its own experiences, but there are still parts of you that you surely haven’t explored yet. The easiest and enjoyable way of doing this is trying to do the things that your partner does which you don’t seem to really like the most. Ironic isn’t it? But we found this very interesting because we end up having fun on each other’s reaction. I remembered trying a spicy noodle that he ordered for me to try in a Korean restaurant. I don’t like spicy food and it took him few minutes before he convinced me to dig in. My lips got red after trying the noodles and it was hilarious! I don’t know if I was going to get pissed off because he forced me to eat something that I don’t like or to just laugh at seeing him smile in front of me. After that we had stories to tell when a friend ask if I eat spicy food.
We all have different things going on in our relationship. Our relationship differs from everyone else, but what we shared here is pertaining to general aspects of a relationship, so these things are obtainable. If you have other advice to share please do comment down below for other readers to see. We might not know but we may have just saved a relationship from tearing apart. We don’t know what is happening to their relationship but simple words of wisdom from other people might just shed a light to a dimming relationship. So your experience and advice matters. To openly end this blog, I would like to challenge you to do this, well if you are in a relationship, but if you’re single think about what you would tell your future lover.
A movie can replay the same story even after a century has ended, but your relationship can never be played back again. You can only experience it again if you go back to all the places that you’ve been and if you still remember the same exact words that you said. Make the most out of what you have. Give your best shot if you believe you’re with the person who is willing to walk on thorns with you no matter how painful it is.